“People are not interchangeable. The price of love is the agony of loss, from infancy onward.” – Dr Bruce D Perry
The brain of an infant needs a mature brain to latch on to. It is through this close symbiosis that it begins to develop. This latching on, if it happens as a secure attachment relationship with at least one caring adult, provides safety and calm to the infant for it to later free its mind for exploration.
The first thing that happens with attachment, before becoming a safe haven from which to explore the world, is that human contact becomes associated with joy and soothing. “It is through the thousands of times we respond to our crying infant that we help create her healthy capacity to get pleasure from future human connection.”
Research shows that people who in infancy could not latch on to a reliable mature carer – those who grew up in chaotic, violent, abusive or neglectful environments – incur sustained, major stress levels that curb the brain’s development. “Children who don’t get consistent, physical affection or the chance to build loving bonds simply don’t receive the patterned, repetitive stimulation necessary to properly build the systems in the brain that connect reward, pleasure, and human-to-human interactions.”
The result is an emotional disconnection. “Like people who learn a foreign language later in life, they will never speak the language of love without an accent.”